


Loving Magnus

by LadyOxymoron



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 20:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13689450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOxymoron/pseuds/LadyOxymoron
Summary: Alec thinks about the love he shares with Magnus and about all the ways it changed his life.





	Loving Magnus

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little piece of introspective fluff that wouldn't leave me alone. :)

Alec opened the entrance door slowly, careful not to make any noise. It had been a long day and an even longer night. A sudden mission had keep him busy most of the day, the consequent paperwork for good part of the night. By the time he had signed the last of the paperwork, he had been ready to bang his head against the wall, wanting nothing more than to go back home and let the stress of the day slip away in Magnus’ arms. A glance at the clock had confirmed him that it was wishful thinking and he had left the Institute with a dark mood and a curse on his lips.

Some of the tension slipped from his posture as soon as he stepped inside of the loft, sighing happily as he took off his boots and left them in their usual place against the wall. The loft was dark and silent but it was _home_ , something that he never thought he could have, resigned to the idea of spending his whole life settling for his bare, practical room at the Institute. His mind refused to think about the other probable outcome, about having to share a cold bed with a woman he would never be able to love.

A smile stretched on his lips at the thought that he had found a place to call home, a place where he belonged, where he was welcomed with open arms and a warm smile. A place where he was _loved_. Where he was free to love back.

He had always felt at ease in the loft. Even when they were at the beginning of their relationship and he thought of it as Magnus’ place. It had always felt warm, welcoming, safe. A place where he could strip off all of his layers, drop all of his pretenses and be just himself.

The transition had been slow, gradual. It had started with just the occasional sleepover after a date, when Alec was reluctant to say goodbye and Magnus’ eyes held the request to just _stay_. Slowly, one night had turned into two and soon Alec had started to spend more nights at the loft than he spent in his room at the Institute, until some of his things had started to be a permanent fixture in Magnus’ home: his boots by the wall, his jacket on the hook, a second toothbrush on the bathroom shelf, some of his clothes in one of the drawers. His stele and his phone on the bedside table and his favorite food inside of the fridge.

Alec couldn’t say exactly when the loft had stopped being just Magnus’ place and it had become their home, there had not been any important conversation, just an unspoken transition. Now Alec used his bed at the institute only when he could spare the time to crash down between missions and paperwork, sinking in the hard bed and thinking wishfully about silk sheets, rich paintings, and colorful walls. About bright smiles, warm embraces, and sparkling eyes. Knowing all of those things were waiting for him just at the end of the day.

He smiled as he thought back to the first time Magnus had casually addressed the loft as their home, heart swelling and chest tingling with the same warmth he had felt when it had first happened. They were on a date, walking through a street fair, holding hands and giggling at a joke Magnus had cracked when Magnus had suddenly stopped in front of a stall, eyes on a ridiculously extravagant painting.

_This would look lovely in our bedroom, don’t you agree, darling?_

Alec had stopped breathing, turning surprised eyes to his boyfriend, warmth spreading through his chest, throat tight with emotion. He had been unable to move for a few, long seconds until the smile on Magnus’ face had dimmed, his eyes had turned wary, his expression guarded as he was expecting Alec to laugh at him for his choice of words, to correct his wrong assumption. The vulnerability in Magnus’ face had been all it had taken to unfreeze Alec. He had grabbed Magnus by the shoulders and had kissed him senseless, uncaring of the people around them, trying to pour into the kiss everything he knew he wouldn’t have been able to say with his words. After breaking the kiss, Alec had walked to the stall and had bought the ridiculous painting and he had wished he could turn time back to do it a hundred times over, only to see again and again the love sparkling in Magnus’ eyes, the way they crinkled at the corners as he smiled at him.

Sometimes, even after months of living together, Magnus’ gaze landed on one of Alec’s items scattered all over the loft and his eyes softened, a small smile playing on his lips as he couldn’t believe Alec was really there, willing to share the place with him. Willing to share his life with Magnus. Alec could relate because sometimes he struggled to believe it was really true, that he had found his home in Magnus.

Home was so much more than the space they shared between the walls of the loft. Home was the place where they could be intimate, where both of them could leave everything behind, where they could stop being the Head of the Institute and the High Warlock of Brooklyn and be just Alec and Magnus. Two men in love with each other.

Alec made his way to _their_ bedroom still smiling, socked feet stepping quietly on the floor of _their_ loft, every step bringing him closer to Magnus. _His Magnus._

He stopped on the threshold, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the room before landing on Magnus. He was on the bed, fast asleep, silk sheet covering him up to his waist and leaving his bare torso exposed and Alec could swear he had never seen something so beautiful. He stood there for a long time, watching the rise and fall of Magnus’ chest, mesmerized by the peaceful expression on his face, overwhelmed all over again by the thought that this wonderful man had chosen him to share his life with. A sudden wave of affection hit him as he watched Magnus sleep peacefully, mind wandering to their relationship, to the love they shared and how it had changed his life.

Loving Magnus hadn’t always been easy.

At first Alec had thought loving Magnus was _wrong_. He could still remember the sleepless nights, torn between his desires and his duty, wishing he could be someone else. Wishing he could be _normal_ , trying to make peace with the fact that he was never going to be what everyone else wanted him to be, trying to resign himself to the fact that he would have to wear an ill-fitting mask for the rest of his life.

When he had come to terms with the fact that he deserved his shot at happiness and he had spun his own life on its axis, he had thought that loving Magnus was _terrifying_. He had learned that there was nothing wrong in loving another man but he had been overwhelmed by his own inexperience, afraid to make the wrong move, afraid he wouldn’t measure up to all of Magnus’ previous lovers. Afraid Magnus would really look at him and find him at fault, to find him as plain and boring and awkward as he saw himself.

But Magnus had never pushed him beyond his limits. He had taken Alec to innocent dates, he had been content to cuddle on the couch with him, watching a movie, enjoying each other without expectations. He had made sure to tell Alec as often as possible how beautiful he was, how precious, how special. And as the time passed, loving Magnus had stopped being terrifying and had become _reassuring_.

He had learned the hard way that loving Magnus could be _painful_. The time they had spent apart after the Soul Sword debacle had been the darkest time of Alec’s life. He had spent long, sleepless nights beating himself up for his own stupidity, wishing he could go back in time and fix his mistake, feeling like the pain was enough to crack his heart in two.

Sometimes loving Magnus could be _embarrassing_. He shook his head fondly at the thought of the several times Magnus had made flirty innuendos in the most inappropriate places, just to watch Alec blush with a delighted spark in his eyes. He thought about the inopportune erections during cabinet meetings, about all the times he hadn’t dared to stand from his seat for fear of exposing his state to the other men in the room. Magnus always seemed to know, if the winks he sent his way were any indication and, if Alec had to guess, he seemed pleased with himself.

Slowly but surely, loving Magnus had become _necessary_. Alec couldn’t even think about not loving Magnus. It had become like breathing, something he did effortlessly, easily. Something he could never give up, something that kept giving a deeper meaning to his life with every passing day. Magnus was his beacon in the dark, his comfort after a hard day, his everything. And he was sure the feeling was mutual. For the first time Alec felt _needed_ , not just useful. Magnus made him feel wanted, loved, cherished.

He was brought out of his musing as Magnus shifted in his sleep, one hand reaching over to Alec’s side of the bed. Suddenly, Alec wanted nothing more than laying down beside his boyfriend, nothing more than feeling the warmth of Magnus’ body pressed against his own, nothing more than feeling the wisps of Magnus’ breath ghosting over his skin. He stripped quickly and efficiently down to his underwear and made his way to the bed, sinking on it slowly, careful to not disturb Magnus’ sleep. He shifted around until he was facing Magnus, feeling the corners of his lips lifting up in a small smile. He loved Magnus like this. He always loved Magnus, of course, but he especially liked to watch him sleep. Cheek pressed against the pillow, face peaceful, at rest. Trusting Alec, allowing Alec to see him at his most vulnerable.

Alec reached out to brush a lock of hair off Magnus’ forehead, unable to keep himself from leaning over and placing a gentle kiss just there.

“I love you,” he whispered against Magnus’ skin.

Magnus shifted a little, unconsciously leaning closer to Alec, murmuring something in his sleep without waking up. Even fast asleep, Magnus seemed to move with feline grace, Alec thought. He oddly resembled a panther having a nap after a hunt but there was an underlying vulnerability in his posture that had Alec unable to resist stroking Magnus’ cheekbone with his thumb.

Magnus’ eyes fluttered open at that. “Alexander?” He whispered, voice rough from sleep, eyes unfocused. “What time is it?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Alec said softly, thumb still lingering on the sharp cheekbone. “Go back to sleep.”

“Nonsense, darling,” Magnus’ voice was still a little scratchy but his eyes were more focused and they softened as he looked at Alec. “You know I can never sleep well until I’ve kissed my boyfriend goodnight.”

Alec laughed quietly, leaning over to place a chaste kiss on Magnus' lips, right arm reaching out and wrapping around Magnus’ shoulders. “We can’t have that.”

Magnus hummed and shifted closer to him, settling into the embrace with a contented sigh. “No, we definitely can’t,” he said, amusement clear in his voice. “Perfection is hard to achieve, my dear. My beauty sleep plays a huge part on the process,” A small, teasing smile played on his lips, his eyes sparkled. “Now, humor me and kiss me properly, would you?”

Alec didn’t make him say it twice. He leaned over and claimed Magnus’ mouth in a deep kiss, hand moving on its own accord to the back of Magnus’ head, fingers weaving through soft hair. For the first time after a long day, he felt all of the tension leaving his body.

As he felt the familiar brush of Magnus’ tongue against his own, he thought that loving Magnus felt _right_.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware this is mostly instrospection and very little action/dialogue but Alec's voice was loud and it couldn't be ignored. ;)  
> Thank you for reading, as usual.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr, if you want to say hi :)   
> https://ladyoxymoron.tumblr.com/


End file.
